Hey... || Life update?

Hey cutecumbers, welcome to another post.
Noticed how I didn't say "welcome to blogvember day.." ? Yeah...

                         I am cutting blogvember short.
I am not sure why I exactly couldn't stick to it. Maybe it's just lack of preparation and planning. Maybe life got in the way. Who knows?
I am not making excuses, but I think I owe you some kind of update, some kind of notice. You deserve to know why I have been absent for 2 whole weeks.
Recently, I noticed a lot of stuff was just... Too much. Kind of. Like... I would do regular, normal, mundane things and I would feel suffocated. I would feel like I was in a stuffy, too warm room in the thickest sweater possible, and the room is also filled with strangers, and spiders are crawling on the walls and also someone just gave me a test for which I haven't prepared.
This included writing these posts. I no longer found them fun and I didn't really enjoy writing. And you could see that, in the way I wrote up my last two posts, it's so clear. I mean, at least to me it is... I never want to write some random crap, just because I have to. That's what blogvember made me feel. I would wake up in the morning, and as I was writing out my to-do list, I would scribble down the today's post, and in my head I could hear "you have to do this" and that automatically made me feel.. Well... Like crap. It's not that I don't do anything as soon as it becomes a must, I realize that there are things that I need to get done throughout the day. But I don't want blogging to become one of those things. This is just a hobby of mine, my corner in this vast space which we call internet, in which I express myself and my view of the world. I started this blog because I wanted to, not because I had to. 
Along side with writing becoming a "problem", other things did as well. My routines were boring the hell out of me, I stopped caring about what I eat, if I'm hydrated, if I was alone or not, if I was showering or not. I stopped caring about everyday things. And I, overall, felt awful. I catched myself waking up and dreading the day even before it started.
I noticed that I threw my goals aside, that I started falling into the same old way of waking up, wasting time, going to bed. I made a promise to myself, and I broke it. I broke it in the past two weeks or so. 
But, last week I woke up, on Wednesday, and I decided:
                                  Enough is enough.

I went to the bathroom, took a shower, washed my face and hair.
I came back to my room, looked around it and took notice of everything which wasn't in its place.
Took out my bullet journal, and started writing.
Writing out goals, tasks, wishes, dreams, to-do's. Everything which I was putting off and everything which I had forgotten.
I wrote down my goals for education, for work, for family, for my relationship, for my own personal well being.
When I finished that, I took my cleaning supplies, and cleaned my whole apartment, top to bottom. Put everything in its place. Organized every nook and cranny of my space. 
I took a look around and asked myself "now what?"
I went to my mom's bedroom, changed in leggings and a tank top, and did yoga. I haven't done yoga for a full month. And then I decided to actually work out. I did a full body workout, cardio and all. I am not experienced in it. Frankly, I probably looked like a cow giving birth while trying to do ballet. But I didn't care. I was moving, I was breathing, I was doing something positive. For myself.
After my workout, I downloaded text books which I need for the entrance exam. I mapped out what I need to cover in a day. Planned it all out. Turned my goal into small steps. And each step I take brings me one day closer to my goal.
I needed this time off, and granted my timing was bad (picking out the month where I said I will post every day might not have been the best option...) but sometimes you need to take some time off. To turn off your phone for the whole day. To watch documentaries and eat popcorn for the whole day. To just clean your space around you (is it just me or are there others who find cleaning so therapeutic?). To detox from everything around you.
One of my goals is also this:
Do what you want to, don't do what makes you feel bad.
And I really mean that. Cut off toxic people out of your life. Stop putting yourself in situations which make you feel bad uncomfortable (there is good uncomfortable too!). Take care of your body. Keep your mind alive. Read more books. Work out. Shower often, buy that ridiculous lotion which smells like apple toffy, do your make up even if you're not going anywhere. 
Never forget your goals, never let life get in the way of you accomplishing them, wake up every single day and do something that will make your goal become more reachable. 
Stay kind, stay true to yourself, listen to your internal voice, change and adapt to your needs, do that thing which you wanted to do for 3 years now. Move around. Hussle. Make changes in your life which make you feel good, which make every day matter.
You want to become a writer? Write something every day. Don't think about it.
You want to become a youtuber? Whip out your camera, your phone, doesn't matter. Film a video. Post it.
You want to get into college? Check out what you need to have from papers and start studying.
Start now. It doesn't have to be a monday, or to be the first day of the month or year. Don't wait anymore, don't waste more time of your life. Do it now.
This is a mindset which I picked up in the past few days, and I've been doing something everyday which made me feel good. I guess I just got tired of feeling unaccomplished, of feeling like a waste of space sort of. 
How have you guys been doing? What's new in your life? Did you miss me? Hit me up on instagram, twitter or down bellow in the comment's section, let's be friends! 
Don't stay a stranger,
Lots of love,


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